Topic Four: Landscape—Ambitious, In-Depth Assignment, Performance Project
Topic 4: Landscape—Ambitious, In-Depth Assignment Performance Project
I started off with way too many sketches going in the wrong direction. Which you will see several of below. Thankfully, I had Kathleen to guide me and I ended up looking up a number of artists (Allen Caprow, Adrian Piper, Joan Jonas, Janine Antoni, Yoko Ono, Nancy Holt, Nan Goldin, Ana Mendieta, Carolee Schneemann, Sol Le Witt, Helio Oiticia, Chris Burden, and so so so many more) as well as doing a planning exercise called "webbing" that she recommended. To my surprise it was my photography professor - Jose Garcia - who had the greatest influence on me (and highly discouraged me from using any form of "traditional" or 2D media whatsoever). He told me some of his own experiences in performances pieces of his past (such as burying photos in dirt around town) and showed me a queer photographer - Nan Goldin. She was also a big influence on me. I had known I wanted to do something related to gender for the piece but I was so frustrated that I was willing to give up on the idea. The final kick I needed was the article saying trump wanted to redefine the word "gender" so that people would legally be identified by their sex at birth, changing context in all legal documentation and essentially eliminating all civil rights for transgender and intersex people.
At this point my thoughts were getting more organized and I realized what I wanted to do. So I went to the beach and took my anger out on undergarments that I felt represented gender and gender roles. I took them out of a trash bag to signify it as this garbage I have been carrying around with me. Physical sand literally and sands of time metaphorically have destroyed and buried many a civilization. It could do the same the same for the things these pieces of cloth represented. But then I covered myself in sand at the waters shore and let the landscape cover me. As a nonbinary person, I am neither girl nor boy. I am just me trying to be the best me that I can be. Then I rose up from the incoming waves and wiped the sand off. The connection to my old identity severed by sand and a new one born from the land, a life washed clean by water. And I looked out over the ocean before starting my new destiny. I chose clothes that were short and as close to my skin tone as possible so that it would be reminiscent of laying myself bare without actually, you know, being bare. Unfortunately the chest binder I wore was actually a size too small and caused me to have some initial trouble breathing and then later some rib and back pain. My back still aches terribly and my ribs are still a bit sore but I am more or less ok. Just never wearing it again due to medical reasons now.
(It was too large of a video file to post here so I had to link the post below)
(Close up of undergarments before and after being buried and thrown)
Stills of performance (some of them):
So my aunt helped me document a performance piece. It was funny because she kept trying to convince me to put on more clothes and saying we don't want anyone to have a video of me naked. The entire experience ended up being pretty cathartic. Looking at the images and watching the video really made me think differently about my body. Like wow, I am fat. But I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just a fact. Maybe I stand kinda weird but I don't think I'm unhealthy or ugly after all and those words are not synonymous with fat. I'm really learning to love myself and my body which is a struggle for me as a transgender person. I still want top surgery but I didn't look at myself in disgust for once. I was able to see my body in a new way. I realized how much I love my legs the way they are. I saw my belly rolls and yeah I'm fat and first instinct is to think "that is bad" but realistically, there's nothing wrong with that. I felt like I was able to really see my body for the first time. My body is a trans body and there's nothing wrong with that. And I was actually able to draw similarities between my body shape and that of other trans guys I know because of the body fat redistribution which effects people differently. Seeing this made me feel better about myself. Performance art is really weird, it can make people uncomfortable, and it made me feel a bit silly and awkward, but it helped me to view myself differently and maybe I don't 100% hate it after all.
I then had to decide how I wanted to present this. I originally wanted to do it in person and just do it outside in the dirt but Don said to do it in the place it belongs and deserves so I decided on the beach. The problem was that I have literally no video experience at all whatsoever, nor any editing experience so I was really concerned with the documentation aspect. Which I know is weird since I am an art and tech major. But thankfully I wanted to focus on documenting the performance opposed to turning the video into some sort of production. I did the piece 3 times consecutively which made the piece. My Aunt photographed me the first time, then recorded me in 1 smooth pan, then photographed it again the 3rd time. Nan Goldin was a big influence presentation wise because she would leisurely display her images in 4x4 drug store prints with some rock music in the background. I wanted the viewer to experience as much of the performance as they could despite not having been there. So I outlined myself (my silhouette) on a bland tablecloth (white often representing purity or a fresh start, etc...) then went over that outline in glue and covered the glue in sand from the actual beach I did my performance at (Hollandale Beach). I think this was a subconscious reference to Ana Medieta. Once in class, I pulled a table near the projector, covered it in the tablecloth making sure the silhouette was still on the ground draping off the table, then filled it in with sand, and placed my printed images and previously buried clothes on the table for display while the 2 minute 17 second video documentation played. I wanted as much of the original material from the trash bag to the sand to be there so that the viewer could experience the performance as much as possible through the documentation.
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